Ever since I got today’s prompt, I have been in deep thought. Trying hard to honestly say out what I find repulsing and what takes the cup as the one thing I love hence makes me happy. I thought to myself ‘what a strange predicament’ since I thought I knew me better than the rest of the world. Upon reading blogs from my favourites though, I had a light bulb moment ( a picture posted on Pushing on a Rope) and I knew what had taken me the entire afternoon to figure out.
I saw the tree towering above the small bench and remembered how I hated feeling small. I hate it when I feel so small as it robes me off my self-believe. More so if the subject shuttering my confidence is rubbing on its might over mine. Sadly, a story to match my conviction is something very recent hence can not claim to have forgotten it for a demo.
Today, on a spur of the moment trip to our neighbouring country, I felt irritated that most of the assistants in the different shops we visited in the mall were playing the mightier than thou saga. They were selfish enough to remind us we were just passer-bys when they refused to speak in a language all parties would understand and stuck to their own. I felt so fumed up I almost exploded with anger.
I mean, who was the customer here? Were they aware that we were the reason they got paid hence the very vehicle that brings home their butter and cheese? I felt so belittled! Mind you, I could understand their language, but the fact that I was with people who did not know Jack about the Lingui I felt angry on their state and did not think they deserved my compromise. It would be like writing using my mother tongue yet my aim is to improve my English and to get input from across the globe!
My loved ones. They are my happy place and thought. When things go wrong by taking an ugly turn, I simply go withdraw some loving from my emotional bank and feed off it. It never fails. I know, for instance, that when feeling like life’s challenges are threatening to over haul me and belittling my efforts I simply think of how that would add-on or taint my daughters image of me; MUM ( Magnificent Unstoppable Martyr). So, yes, it does help make me feel better but my perspective on the matter still lives.
My people are still the most hospitable I deduce and know they would never make an outsider feel lost. What was I thinking, we are a nation build of many clans and races and are the true rainbow nation unlike the supposed one which I will not name but will just pray God lead it through a true introspect and change.
- A Matter of Perspective (elspethc.wordpress.com)